Can fights make a relationship stronger?
Here is a list of 10 Love, Marriage Relationship MUSTS for fair fighting.
These rules are important and may require practice. In the heat of the moment, they may seem difficult to apply.
You and your mate will succeed if you have the honest intention to clean up your relationship, because you can always go back and talk later when you are calmer and in a better space.
Related: How To Make Him Crazy For You
1. If you feel a slow burn, STOP!
Often when you get mad it feels like an eruption.
You feel a rush of anger or rage that sweeps your entire body and mind. It may feel like you lose your train of thought or you forget what you want to say.
You want to explode at the other person.
Stop! It’s not the right time to talk.
2. Take a “time out.”
Ask: “Am I too upset to resolve this right now?” If the answer is yes, you need a break and some distance.
Notice, I didn’t say storm out. I didn’t say, slam the door, bolt to your car, and burn rubber as you speed away. Keep your head and say, “I am too upset to talk about this right now.
I need a break and to get out of here for a little while.
Let’s talk later.” Sometimes tiny skirmishes dissipate naturally. If you feel the anger dissipate naturally, let it go.
3. Let your partner save face
If you are fighting over who’s right and who’s wrong, you will both lose.
In one couple’s counseling session, the woman kept correcting the man’s memory of the facts.
Then she complained about how mean he was getting when he asserted his memory. She didn’t see that he needed room to save face and feel like he was right, too. She needed to drop the facts.
Ask yourself, “Do I want a harmonious love relationship or to be right?”
4. Both partners must get a full turn
To start say: “OK, let’s take turns. You go first and I will listen, and then let you know what I have heard you say. When you are done, it will be my turn to speak.”
If he says, “I am angry that you leave the counter dirty,” say, “What I hear you saying is that it makes you mad.”
Then you can ask, “Why does this make you angry? How else does that make you feel?”
When you have heard your partner’s point of you, it will be your turn to talk about your feelings.
Make a sincere effort to fix upset areas.
5. Try to stand in your partner’s shoes
Wanting to understand does not mean you are “giving in” or being weak. It means your love or marriage relationship comes first.
You want to the bottom of the conflict so you can resolve it. Being understood is the number one diffusion technique in any conflict.
You can say, “What I hear you saying is …” Drop your pride and be willing to say that you apologize even if you don’t think you did anything wrong.
Intentions are not always interpreted as they were meant.
You say, “I am sorry, I do see how it could have come across that way.”
Only then will they be open to hear your point of view.